Getting to Know Me: Day 4: Strength

 

  I never quite realized how true this statement really was until just recently. My friends, this is the secret to life. 

  We can spend our time hating that guy that broke our heart or the friend who betrayed us. We can spend time, precious as it is, being mad at the world. We can spend our lives being mad at ourselves. But at the end of the day it's a waste of time. 

  The world would change instantly if everyone would come to this recollection. Instead of world power, let's worry about world love. 

  That may make me out to be a hippy. Do not misunderstand me, sometimes you have to fight for something to get done- but that does not mean every day needs to be a fight. That doesn't mean that you should let your life be swallowed in bitterness and anger- the only person you're hurting is yourself. 

"Being angry is like holding a hot coal

with the intent to throw it.
You're the only one getting burned."

  When I was twelve years old my father was diagnosed with three different types of cancer- two were stage four. My father was given the option of quality or quantity of life. He chose quantity and he did so for me.

  By Christmas of that year he had slowly deteriorated and the cancer had metastasized to his lungs. But he had already defied medicine. I knew, somehow, in my twelve year old brain that my father was not going to survive. And I was angry. People tried to help, but it was a loss cause. I was mad at the world and there was nothing anyone could do to stop me.

  He died at three o'clock in the morning in the spring. He died just before my thirteenth birthday. I was angry as hell, but nothing can compare to the way I felt with the events that proceeded.

  With all of my growth in the past year, I am still unable to really open up about this time period of my life. I have spent the past six years angry as hell with sporadic points of depression. The things that were said and done by the people who were supposed to love me, have (mostly) been forgiven. And... perhaps that is what is truly important.

  With the death of my father, my best friend and one of the wisest men I've ever met, came a few lessons...

1. Life really is too short. 
2. Accomplish all that you can, while you can. 
3. Love everyone as much as you can, forget the hate.

  I've been told plentiful times that I am a "strong" woman. Some days I disagree pitifully and some days I cling to that with a fervor of someone hanging off a cliff. What really makes me question these declarations from friends and family is my problems with fear, which I will be addressing tomorrow.

Viva la vida!
-BB